i’m frustrated.
i’m pissed off.
i’m angry.
i’m irritated.
i’m annoyed.
i’m confused
i’m hurt.
i’m tired.
i am in pain.
i wanna hurt someone.
i wanna disappear.
watch out. am bitchy mode. families tend to suck - BIG TIME.
errrr….
This world will never be
What I expected
And if I don’t belong
Who would have guessed it
I will not leave alone
Everything that I own
To make you feel like it’s not too late
It’s never too late
Even if I say
It’ll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we’ll turn it all around
‘Cause it’s not too late
It’s never too late
No one will ever see
This side reflected
And if there’s something wrong
Who would have guessed it
And I have left alone
Everything that I own
To make you feel like
It’s not too late
It’s never too late
Even if I say
It’ll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we’ll turn it all around
‘Cause it’s not too late
It’s never too late
The world we knew
Won’t come back
The time we’ve lost
Can’t get back
The life we had
Won’t be ours again
This world will never be
What I expected
And if I don’t belong
… so let’s cheer up, ok?
all your life you’ve been taught on what to do… to the point that they dictate on how you should act. parents, teachers, older siblings, friends.. etc. they come in advices, tips, suggestions. they also come in orders, commands, rules and guidelines. up to you whether to follow them or not. but as time unfolds, you realize how these people have managed to control some parts of your life - your childhood, education, career, lovelife..
when i think of it, i somehow need this sort of control. how can i tell if it’s the right decision or not?
but somehow, what they say are just too much that it already affects you emotionally. people’s experiences vary and just because you are superior in some way doesn’t give you a right to insult others and what they do. one thing i learned from dale carnegie:
do not criticize, condemn or complain.
it’s always.. bahala na. tomorrow na lang.
for a baby, when i become a boy… for a boy, when i become a man… for a man, when i grow up.. and for a grown-up, when i’m matured enough.. when ba talaga?!
trying out everything is the only way to find out what you really want - that is, if you’ve got all the time and resources. but that’s the thing, we all have limited of those. life is short they say. how short then? if you were given a chance to find when you’d die, would you take that chance?
i would.
for yesterday is but a dream
and tomorrow is only a vision,
but today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness
and every tomorrow a vision of hope.
i’ve decided to stop worrying about tomorrow and start living today. people tend to worry on what they’re going to do tomorrow, what to eat and all that crap that they forget all about today. why dwell on the past anyway? tapos na nga diba? what can we do about it?
i just came from ortigas and can i just say na ang layo niya? haha. had an interview with summit. delikado their office.. it’s right inside the mall.. when you go up pa, the first thing you see? schu! shet diba? farewell sweldo. haha. am kinda hoping that i get in but then again i’m torn between a lot of things. crap. haha
oh well. happiness is with me anyway. =)
you know who you are.
shoot me.
you wake up one morning and realized how fucked up your life is. the more you think about it, the more it dawns on you.. and then you start to crash. ever wished you have your own reset button? all those shitty things can go away with one press of that button and you are up and about… functioning well again. saya no? but then.. we’re not like computers or mobile phones. errr..
no one really tells you how hard life is. i watch my xeany get frustrated over the simplest things and yes, i envy him. his homeworks are so simple. his life is so simple. and at some point, i just wish he could stay that way coz when he grows up, it gets to be so complicated that it makes me wonder how he could handle crappy situations. will i be able to be there for him when his first girlfriend dumps him? it’s like i don’t want him to experience all the pains life might bring him. but i can’t really stop that can i?
why does life get so fucked up anyway?
bad choices. oh yes, i’ve made tons of ‘em over the years and it surely gave me a kick on the ass. sometimes, you need to make bad choices so you could find out how painful it is. you know it’s wrong but still you go for it. siga kasi eh. haha. but seriously, even if you know that what is being offered is not right, you still accept it with open arms and later, you face the consequences. question is.. can you handle those consequences? but then again, without me making all those stupid and wrong decisions, i wouldn’t be this way. i would never have realized how important life is with family and people you love.
tight situations and circumstances. this is the time when you’ve got no choice at all but to do it. you can never blame anyone except for the situation. we’ve all had our shares of these shits in life. one of my titas told me when i was pregnant that what happen to me wasn’t my fault. i should blame daw the circumstance. made sense to me. ‘coz it wouldn’t help if i go blaming myself for what happened. but for the record, i never did blame myself. hehe.
wrong company. tell me who your friends are and i’ll tell you who you are. it’s true. your cirlce of friends reflects everything about you. take me for example. i’ve got a bunch of drunkards and lunatics as friends because i am one. haha. i love you guys though. i’ve met a lot people and half of ‘em, i have no idea where they are right now. if it weren’t for friendster, i wouldn’t even know if they still exist. get my point? it’s easy to make friends but super hard to keep them. right bru? ;p
i’ve decided to just keep all those shit as memories and lessons. i haven’t even reached 25 and i feel like i’ve experienced too much pain and hurt already. and yes, loving is the most powerful and most amazing thing in the world. =)
our clean slate should start… NOW?
some people are looking forward to life after graduation. DON’T. hehe. believe me. once you’re thrown out to the ocean, you’d rather go back to the pond. being a student was much better. you only had to think about assignments and even receive money for going to school. you have allowances for gas, clothes, load, beer, yosi and all the other luxuries. but once you graduate, it’s farewell to all those privileges. hassle no?
i’ve been a bum for almost three months now and it’s not fun. swear… the only best thing about it is i get to spend all my time with xeany. i get to see him wake up, bring him to school, make sure he drinks his vitamins.. the works. other than that, my role in this house is a mayor doma..especially when mom is in KL. i get to run a household when mom isn’t here. ya, some silip on life of a housewife. and promise, it’s not easy! you’ve got all these errands to do… not to mention budget the money dad has alloted for the month. make sure that there’s food and water. make sure that bills are paid, house is clean and neat.. oh, the stress. no wonder mom used to super tired. driving the whole day around alabang, parañaque and las piñas is no joke. so i applaud all the housewives out there. great job!
haha.
i know, it’s been too long since i’ve updated my blog. thing is, nothing exciting is happening to me. except for a few things.. ;p hihi.
i’m currently looking for a job right now. it’s not easy. u suddenly realize that grades and extra-curricular shit really matter. hehe. i’ve done a number of things back in southville but it’s kulang. besides, it’s not like southville is known all over… errr..
pamy, jenn and i are going into this whole wedding planner thingie. we super wanna pursue it and we will. i don’t think it needs a huge capital. kaya pam and i are planning to work muna for a call center so at least we’re not bobo mode at home AND we get to have money. oh yes ladies and gentlemen, papatulan ko na yung mga call centers. hehe. and slowly, our bridal thingie will flourish. so, potential clients out there.. just PM me oki? ;p haha.
oh life. so nice to be in love, no? ;p
just when you think that everything in your life will be ok, things just start to fall apart. why is that?
i am this close to depression. i need a drink. speakin of which, drinking beer in a baby bottle is a crime. and that is understatement.
we surprised jill tonight with a baby shower. she’s due in two months. check out pics from my multiply account.
i’ve come to realize that i am old. i have been going to bridal showers, baby showers and weddings. aaargghh. why?
i won’t stop burping. blame it on the game. i’ve got beer breath with chocolate topping on it. haha.
how sad is this? it’s a saturday night and here i am at home, blogging.
focus. that’s what my dad told me. i’m studying again. medical transcription. i really wanna get out of this crappy country and actually enjoy the fruits of my labor.
i can’t sleep. for some reason, i’ve been up till 4am for the past week. tsk, tsk. this is bad. i need some sort of therapy to clear my mind. shit, am i going crazy? naaahh..
i need to get out. watch a movie. get wasted. i miss those days when all you need to do is get drunk. but the last time i did that.. i just embarassed myself plus i had this nasty wound on my shin. sooooo.. no more drunk marsha. besides, it’s really fun to watch people get drunk. haha.
speaking of movies, i am a major loser. i haven’t seen shrek 3, spiderman 3 and potc 3. my gad. the last movie i’ve seen was 300. kakahiya.
seriously? i just think i need some good luvin.
i know, haven’t been updating for the past month… been really busy. naaa.. tamad mode lang ;p hihi…
am leaving this saturday. farewell KL and hello to hotta manila! hehe. heard it’s scorching hot there and i don’t want that. swear. going back to manila means back to reality. it’s been fun here. seriously.
10 things that i love?
1. 24 hours of airconditioning
2. 30 sec away from the pool
3. gorgeous shoes and cheap too!
4. delicious food.. and i mean food trip galore. fatty crab, i love!
5. SHOPPING esp pag sale.. like right now.
6. fabulous bags
7. better politics
8. lovely malls
9. THE best dimsum
10. being with dad =)
… and last but not least.. it’s not some crappy, chaotic and selfish country like the philippines. wehehe.. ;p
so i went swimming last week at hillsborough with a bunch of my friends. the day i made a HUGE mistake. i had major sunburn all over. but it doesn’t end there. my legs were not tanned evenly. i felt like a zebra for a moment. ya, the redness was great in the beginning until i suddenly felt the pain. then now, i am peeling. eewwness. it’s super summer and i don’t wanna wear tank tops coz i’ve got majorly ugly shoulders. grrrness. swear. lessons learned: tanning oil is not a substitute for sunblock and 11am sun could literally KILL you. now i feel like i’m the 102nd dalmation. only uglier spots at the back.
i bought a swimsuit today. am not exactly happy about it though. tanga ko no? i’m thinking of maybe exchanging it for something else. my suits have aged already. although i super love my lates coz it’s the perfect fit for me. i guess using it everyday for three straight weeks makes it stretch a bit… or maybe i got smaller? hmmm.. i’d go for the second part. teehee..
next week, we’re off to KL. can’t wait. the whole gang is going so i’m expecting it to be really chaotic. we’ve already got a schedule on things to do and where to go. haaay.. i just hope i lose weight! haha..
i’m a bum… and i’m lovin it. kinda. except that i got no money.. hihi..
